arse poetica

Lucky Dog

db got his new Mac today! Ooooooooooh.

Bogeywimmins

When the NYT tackles a "southern" subject, it's always good for a giggle or two, so I had to nibble at the bait of this profile of chef Paula Deen, who herself loves to play up that wacky southernness we all know and love.

And you know, it was the usual sprinkling of y'alls and earthy tragicomic anecdotes until this bit:

From Phobia to Fame: A Southern Cook’s Memoir.

Today, Paula Deen’s empire includes two restaurants, two television shows, five cookbooks, a cooking/decorating magazine, and a line of baking mixes and seasonings, including “Paula’s Butt Massage,” a rub for pork. Ms. Deen’s lasciviousness is one of her trademarks, but as she is also round enough to be relatable, and gray enough to draw loyal older viewers, it is more theatrical than threatening.

Threatening? What the heck? Sexual innuendo (from a woman) = threatening? "Roundness" and "grayness" are unthreatening = non-sexual (unsexy)? If she were not round or gray, she would be what?

There's obviously some confusion in our youth-obsessed culture regarding older women's sexuality (invisible), and the NYT is no exception. Deen's choices (imposed on her, of course) are to be either threatening or theatrical. Why, because she's somebody's grandma and she doesn't look like [insert fashionable stick figure person here]? Feh. 

And this on the heels of all the endless buzz about Helen Mirren's f*ckability, like it was such a surprise for a 50+-yr-old woman to be sexy and like it was so impossible to acknowledge her sexiness w/o reducing it to "f*ckability" (which makes her -- for those just joining us for Feminism 101 -- an object not a subject). Why, lord, why? I'm just tired of it all.

The best author in the world?

I love this kind of stuff, mostly because it drives me crazy. I don't know why I was so surprised, but almost every person polled trotted out Martin Amis. Now, I sort of like Amis -- I like his words and sentences, I like that he's going for something, I love how damn droll he is, but I don't always (that is, rarely) enjoy his books. Why is that?

So The Guardian polled some bigwigs about the best living Brit writer and got this: The best author in the world.

I don't know about the world, but in the English language that I've read, my money's on Kazuo Ishiguro. Or Michael Ondaatje. A few years ago, I would have said Jeanette Winterson, hands down. Today, I'll say who? Zadie Smith? Did anybody mention A. L. Kennedy?

Please no Naipaul. And where are the poets? 

Nightowls Unite!

Another wonderfully observed piece by David Sedaris in the New Yorker. Honestly, how many people make you laugh out loud? I should read his essays as preventive medicine. I remember reading "Jesus Shaves" at Book Soup in LA, standing up at the magazine racks outside, and I was laughing so hard that I was doubled over hanging on to the rack for support. I literally had tears rolling down my cheeks. People were dying to know what I was reading, but I couldn't speak to tell them.

Anyhoo, this little bit right here ::ahem:: spoke to me.

The Reflections: The Way We Are.

I roll out of bed ... usually between ten and ten-thirty. For me this is early, but for Hugh and most of our neighbors it’s something closer to midday. What they do at 6 A.M. is anyone’s guess. I only know that they’re incredibly self-righteous about it, and talk about the dawn as if it’s a personal reward, bestowed on account of their great virtue.

HA! Yes! Yes! Yes! Can I get a hallelujah from the nightowl chorus?

I read it out loud to db, cracking up as I reached the end, and what was his response, Mr. Early Bird?

Well, you should get up earlier.

The defense rests.

The End is Nigh

Say what??

Krispy Kreme launches whole wheat doughnut.

Krispy Kreme Doughnuts Inc., still recovering from the low-carb diet craze that starved the company's earnings, unveiled a whole wheat doughnut Monday.

Well, I, for one, DO NOT welcome our whole wheat doughnut overlords. Is nothing sacred??

UPDATED for non-registration link.

More on Blogging (or Not) for Edwards

Lindsay Beyerstein of Majikthise has an article in Salon today on why she turned down the Edwards campaign's invite.

Why I refused to blog for Edwards.

Hearts and Minds (of Our Own Generals)

Wow.

US generals ‘will quit’ if Bush orders Iran attack.

Tension in the Gulf region has raised fears that an attack on Iran is becoming increasingly likely before President George Bush leaves office. The Sunday Times has learnt that up to five generals and admirals are willing to resign rather than approve what they consider would be a reckless attack.

“There are four or five generals and admirals we know of who would resign if Bush ordered an attack on Iran,” a source with close ties to British intelligence said. “There is simply no stomach for it in the Pentagon, and a lot of people question whether such an attack would be effective or even possible.”

A British defence source confirmed that there were deep misgivings inside the Pentagon about a military strike. “All the generals are perfectly clear that they don’t have the military capacity to take Iran on in any meaningful fashion. Nobody wants to do it and it would be a matter of conscience for them.

“There are enough people who feel this would be an error of judgment too far for there to be resignations.”

A generals’ revolt on such a scale would be unprecedented. “American generals usually stay and fight until they get fired,” said a Pentagon source. Robert Gates, the defence secretary, has repeatedly warned against striking Iran and is believed to represent the view of his senior commanders.

Unprecedented.

This says 2 things to me: 1) Cheney's finally "spent his political capital" (retch) and is recognized as being dangerous to our national interests, and 2) the talk of attacking Iran is serious enough, despite this madministration's lies to the contrary, to warrant this unprecedented preemptive maneuver by senior military commanders. I already believed that an attack on Iran was in the works, because Seymour Hersh said so, and Sy doesn't lie.

Oscar Picks

Best Actress: Helen Mirren, but what a category! I mean, Meryl? Obviously. And don't even get me started about Judi Dench. I was abuzz for days after "Notes on a Scandal." Days. If she won, I'd probably jump up and down on the couch.

Best Actor: Forest Whitaker, or Leonardo DiCaprio for "The Departed," for which he is not nominated. But I'd be happy if either Peter O'Toole or Will Smith won.

Best Supporting Actress: Jennifer Hudson -- she OWNED her movie, but another great category. Adriana Barraza broke.my.heart. in "Babel," and what is there to say about Rinko Kikuchi but that she is amazing?

Best Supporting Actor: I missed "Blood Diamond" and "Little Children," but I'm going for Djimon Hounsou, because he is so damn smoochable. Or Kelly from "Bad News Bears," for old times sake.

Best Director: Inarritu is an amazing filmmaker and "Babel" would be flawless were it not for its unrelenting (and emotionally manipulative) misery. Wonderfully edited, amazing cinematography, great score, amazing performances. Maybe he should win. Don't get me started about Scorsese's "The Departed" or we'll be here all night. Meh. I don't think he should win for that. He's done much better. And will again.

Best Film: "Pan's Labyrinth," even though it's not nominated. Of the nominees, I'll vote for "The Queen" on the strength of Helen Mirren's performance and its overall compassion, a tragedy deftly handled.

Best Original Screenplay: "Pan's Labyrinth"

Documentary: "An Inconvenient Truth"

Foreign Film: "Pan's Laybrinth"

Art Direction: "Dreamgirls." They did not miss a beat. No pun intended. "Pan's Labyrinth" was also teh awesome.

Film Score: "Pan's Labyrinth" or "Notes on a Scandal." Damn, or maybe "Babel." 

Song: No idea, so how about something from "Dreamgirls"?

Ooh Hoo Hoo Hoo

A blast from the past! Oh man, I am fourteen again and listening to the Damned. I could've cried w/ both my eyes... ooh hoo hoo hoo.

Elton Motello, Jet_Boy,_Jet_Girl.mp3, a quite popular cover song.

Which some of us might recognize as...

I am having a personal 80s party. Next up in my iTunes: The English Beat, "Save It for Later." Aww.

Will They Have to Say "Academy Award Winner" Every Time They Introduce President Gore?

Since yr crabby correspondent is over Edwards already -- and hasn't been under Hillary for some years now (oh, those heady early 90s!) -- and since I have to face the sad fact that Mario Cuomo is apparently not ever going to be president (sob), I'm feeling serious pangs of nostalgia and longing for Al, dear, wonky, ol' Al.

Could Gore's road to the Oval Office begin in Hollywood?

"There's even some speculation that he would use his Oscar as the occasion to announce that he's running," Martin Kaplan, director of the University of Southern California's Norman Lear Center, told CNN. "Imagine that: a billion people worldwide! Take that Jay Leno, as an announcement venue!''

Could it happen? Gore's producer thinks a potential Gore speech would be a historic moment, but not the way Kaplan envisions.

"It's electrifying, not politically, because is Al Gore going to run or not going to run. There's nothing going to happen like that," Bender told CNN. "It's electrifying because the man who is responsible for solidifying the forces around global warming is going to'' be acknowldged.

But could an Oscar start the momentum for a draft-Gore movement? USC's Kaplan thinks it could.

"People think that he's paid his dues, he's had more of an impact on issues that people care about than many people who have been in office and there's a feeling that he's finally lost that student council condescension that was fingernails on a blackboard to a lot of supporters," Kaplan said.

Paid his dues? Paid his dues?? The man had a FLAWLESS record of public service for 23 years; he was so clean the Repugnican machine could throw NOTHING at him but the lie that he'd invented the internets (Think of it! That's the best they could do!); he was cheated out of an election that to this day gives me heart palpitations to think of; he truly reappeared Phoenix-like and did what a decent, dedicated citizen and public servant would do: he put his time, energy, and resources behind one of the biggest issues facing our planet and our species today, so kiss my ass w/ "paid his dues."

He is a pretty damn impressive human being, as far as I can see. Not too many could bounce back from having the thing they worked for all their lives be ripped out from under them in a public display of chicanery so vile and dispiriting as to make half of our nation (including yours truly, woo woo!) crazy for 8 years.

Which brings me to this "student council condescension" thing. My colleague was just yesterday listing the Dem presidential candidates' drawbacks -- Obama good but inexperienced; Hillary divisive, no one's ready for a chick; Vilsack who?; Biden bwaahahah; and so on -- and then she got to Al. The sum up: doofy. Doofy? Yes, doofy.

Now, that may be all well and true, but, dear god, don't we need a little decent, wonky, doofiness, born of a philosophical grounding in public service, in diplomacy, in compromise, in all of those things that make up "politics"? Don't we need a guy who's not a fake, swaggering, cowpoke-wannabe jackass? Don't we need a guy who actually reads? Don't we need a doofus who won't lie us into a war? Won't marshal all of the resources of our nation in pursuit of policies that degrade us? Don't we need someone who not only knows the ideals on which this country was founded but adheres and aspires to them?

Don't we need to get over high school? Why this focus on the "student council condescension"? That is amazing language, not least because it reveals our very real immaturity and knee-jerk rejection of the Kewl Kidz (read: high school-level hierarchies). How can we be this dumb after 7 years of this unmitigated disaster of the buffoon who likes to murder the language, ignore his duties, and clear brush while his Veep steers our country off a cliff? HELP.