Jaw, Meet Floor

::sputtering::

House GOP promotes its "American Values Agenda".

The GOP's "American Values Agenda" includes:

• Pledge Protection Act, HR 2389
• Freedom to Display the American Flag Act, HR 42
• The Public Expression of Religion Act, HR 2679
• Marriage Amendment, HJ Res 88
• Unborn Child Pain Awareness Act, HR 356
• Human Cloning Prohibition Act, HR 1357
• Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms & Explosives (BATFE) Reform, 5092
• Internet Gambling Prohibition
• Permanent Tax Relief for Families
• Disaster Recovery Personal Protection Act, HR 5013.

"The Public Display of Religion Act"?? Well, I, for one, am looking forward to all those statues of Ganesh sure to spring up in our public parks. This "value" ::cough:: will probably make Tom Cruise, et al. happy. Scientology Commandments in our classrooms! Dianetics stamps at the post office! Just what we've been missing.

And, pray tell, how would our democracy survive w/o the freedom to display the American flag? It would clearly crumble into dust. But wait. My neighbor's got a flag up. He must be a freedom fighter, a rebel, an insurgent, a courageous defender of democracy, considering he could come under attack for as brazen an act of defiance as decorating for the holiday weekend! [It is getting harder and harder to speak in exclamatory sentences, friends. Will we be rid of these idjits soon? I'd like to get back to a more normal tone of measured disgust.]

Anyhoo, looks like we've got the important things covered. Forget poverty, education, a crumbling infrastructure, rampant corporate corruption, environmental degradation, our expressed policy of torture and flouting of multiple international treaties, and a needless, illegal war of choice. Those are just examples of Democrat pessimism. We've got to prevent gay internet gambling cloning! Won't somebody think of the children!

So how did the geniuses in the Repugnican party come up w/ this hallowed list of top priorities?

House Majority Whip Roy Blunt (R-Missouri) told CNN's Deirdre Walsh that Republican leaders decided on the 10 legislative items after meeting with about two dozen outside groups in February as well as receiving input from the House GOP's "Values Action Team" headed by Rep. Joe Pitts (R-Pennsylvania).

Values Action Team! Pow! Karang! Yowza! I'm seeing "Batman" graphics, because this is some cartoonish shite. Congress hears from two dozen outside groups? Which outside groups? Who are these people setting the "values" agenda? Inquiring minds want to know, and inquiring minds will just have to suck it up, because our newspapers can't be expected to, you know, delve into a story or anything. You'll get what you get and like it, bub. Mystery influences duly omitted.

The beatings will continue until morale improves!

Comments

[DivaJood]

I'm also stuck on the "unborn child pain awareness act." What? I mean, what about the pain of being homeless? Or what about the pain of being unable to get proper medical care because there isn't single payer insurance, and health care costs are out of control? But clearly, the Pledge Protection Act is more important than adequate health care.

But I just learned of a lovely way for public display of religion. Energy Muse is an online jewelry shop that has a gorgeous Ganesh necklace. I mean, just to comply.

[David]

All that legal speak is confusing. Is one still allowed to lust for intelligent women or must he opt for peroxide Nazis?

[Justin]

You've got to give them one thing: nothing like the Republicans to generate a PR-friendly legislative campaign with a united front (right before the November elections). Can't say the same about the dems.

Americans are demanding change, and Democrats are offering a new direction for America with real solutions to our nation's challenges.

Wait, what are the dems doing again? Actually I think the most important question is, does the American Values Agenda have a logo yet?

[KathyF]

What is Bill Bennett going to do without internet gambling? This gives new meaning to Dana Priest's comments yesterday, where she said "Some would like to make, gambling, for instance, illegal."

I actually would like to make it illegal and I bet the credit card companies would too.

[Abel Pharmboy]

Howdy, ae: take a look at this very thoughtful psychological analysis behind various sorts of patriotism. It doesn't make me any less pissed off, but it brings me a little closer to understanding how some otherwise intelligent people can support what is currently going on.

[xsihutw]

They had picked was so soft and then another sexy body shock as if being.