arse poetica

750

What's that, you ask? Oh, just the number of laws the Doltish Dauphin claimed he had the authority to disobey. That's all.

Bush challenges hundreds of laws.

[Pardon me, but this headline really needs more pizzaz, something like, "Powermad buffoon runs amok in the halls of power, fancies himself dictator, must be stopped!"]

President Bush has quietly claimed the authority to disobey more than 750 laws enacted since he took office, asserting that he has the power to set aside any statute passed by Congress when it conflicts with his interpretation of the Constitution.

Among the laws Bush said he can ignore are military rules and regulations, affirmative-action provisions, requirements that Congress be told about immigration services problems, ''whistle-blower" protections for nuclear regulatory officials, and safeguards against political interference in federally funded research.

Legal scholars say the scope and aggression of Bush's assertions that he can bypass laws represent a concerted effort to expand his power at the expense of Congress, upsetting the balance between the branches of government. The Constitution is clear in assigning to Congress the power to write the laws and to the president a duty ''to take care that the laws be faithfully executed." Bush, however, has repeatedly declared that he does not need to ''execute" a law he believes is unconstitutional.

There you go, Bush lovers! How do you like your beer buddy now that he's a one-man government wrecking crew!? How do you like your banana republic? Do you have any sense of historical precedent, checks and balances, rationality, national pride, regard for the Constitution, respect for the rule of law? Then speak TF up. And if checking Dear Leaker doesn't seem appealing (!), know that all good things come to an end, and think of this power in the hands of your arch enemy, Barbara Streisand Ted Kennedy!

I got no patience for the Bush lovers. We need a mass enlightenment ceremony and pronto. Maybe they can weave this information into songs on "American Idol"? What say?

Finally, A Sex Scandal! Impeach 'em All!

Well, good. You know it had to happen, and how delicious that it takes place in the Watergate Building. You simply cannot make this stuff up. Honestly, the most far-reaching, out-of-this-world spoof could not touch this madministration for mind-blowingly obvious criminalizing. Now, if only we had a coherent reporting system, sort of a mass information dissemination apparatus wherein the populace could be alerted to the news of the day, presented in context and w/o prejudice, but there I go dreaming again!

What I hope the Steno Pool catches on to is how connected this web of chicanery and deceit is. It's a veritable Repugnican Connect the Dots (tm). Duke Cunningham, Jack Abramoff, Haley Barbour and the NH Repugnican phone jam scam, Turd Blossom, the PNAC All-Stars ... the list goes on. O, how I regret not having the graphic design skillz to bring these many relationships into linear focus! What the hell did I learn in skool anyhoo?

Red Lights on Capitol Hill?

The Wall Street Journal reported today that indicted former California Congressman Randall "Duke" Cunningham may not have limited his good times to partying on a rented yacht. It turns out the FBI is currently investigating two defense contractors who allegedly provided Cunningham with free limousine service, free stays at hotel suites at the Watergate and the Westin Grand, and free prostitutes.

The two defense contractors who allegedly bribed Cunningham, said the Journal, were Brent Wilkes, the founder of ADCS Inc., and Mitchell Wade, the founder of MZM Inc.; both firms profited greatly from their connections with Cunningham. The Journal also suggested that other lawmakers might be implicated. I've learned from a well-connected source that those under intense scrutiny by the FBI are current and former lawmakers on Defense and Intelligence comittees—including one person who now holds a powerful intelligence post. I've also been able to learn the name of the limousine service that was used to ferry the guests and other attendees to the parties: Shirlington Limousine and Transportation of Arlington, Virginia. Wilkes, I've learned, even hired Shirlington as his personal limousine service.

It gets even more interesting: the man who has been identified as the CEO of Shirlington has a 62-page rap sheet (I recently obtained a copy) that runs from at least 1979 through 1989 and lists charges of petit larceny, robbery, receiving stolen goods, assault, and more. Curiously—or perhaps not so curiously given the company's connections—Shirlington Limousine is also a Department of Homeland Security contractor; according to the Washington Post, last fall it won a $21.2 million contract for shuttle services and transportation support. (I tried to contact Shirlington but was unable to get past their answering service.)

As to the festivities themselves, I hear that party nights began early with poker games (see Clarification, below) and degenerated into what the source described as a "frat party" scene—real bacchanals. Apparently photographs were taken, and investigators are anxiously procuring copies. My heart beats faster in fevered anticipation.

Expect further details to emerge . . .

Clarification, April 28, 11:55AM: the wording of the last paragraph in this item was not meant to suggest that all of the party attendees stayed throughough the night. Some of the partygoers were simply there to play cards and mingle with friends.

Oh, haha! But of course! No, officer, I was only holding this lady's purse for her.

Well, let's see those pix. A picture's worth a thousand words (of non-denial denials), as they say. If I even let my brain alight on the thought that lawmakers, men we elect to represent our interests, those who would ideally stand in defense of principle and on the side of progress, who would put aside personal gain for the common good, and who would behave according to the principles of a healthy and robust body politic as idealized in the United States Constitution and as realized in every decent, democratic, human rights principle human history had envisioned to date, would instead buy and sell women (human beings!) for their sexual gratification, I could lose all semblance of pacifistosity and start advocating lining said "lawmakers" first against the wall. Dehumanize women, will ya? Buh-bye, cretins.

I Have Great Taste in Crushes

Reality has a well-known liberal bias! Bwahaaha!

Colbert Lampoons Bush at White House Correspondents Dinner-- President Does Not Seem Amused.

A blistering comedy “tribute” to President Bush by Comedy Central’s faux talk show host Stephen Colbert at the White House Correspondent Dinner Saturday night left George and Laura Bush unsmiling at its close.

Hey, the truth hurts, Chuckles.

Earlier, the president had delivered his talk to the 2700 attendees, including many celebrities and top officials, with the help of a Bush impersonator.

Is the impersonator smarter? Maybe we should hire him.

Colbert, who spoke in the guise of his talk show character, who ostensibly supports the president strongly, urged Bush to ignore his low approval ratings, saying they were based on reality, “and reality has a well-known liberal bias.”

Noting those low ratings, Colbert advised, "The glass isn't half empty - it's 68% empty. There's still some fluid in there, but I wouldn't drink it."

I'm thinking the liquid in there is the dregs of the Kool-Aid the rest of the press corps(e) drank.

He attacked those in the press who claim that the shake-up at the White House was merely re-arranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. “This administration is soaring, not sinking,” he said. “They are re-arranging the deck chairs--on the Hindenburg.”

Oh, that's good. I might have to amend the subject line to "superior" taste in crushes.

Colbert told Bush he could end the problem of protests by retired generals by refusing to let them retire. He compared Bush to Rocky Balboa in the “Rocky” movies, always getting punched in the face—“and Apollo Creed is everything else in the world.”

Ha! And the hits just keep on comin'.

He noted former Ambassador Joseph Wilson in the crowd, as well as " Valerie Plame." Then, pretending to be worried that he had named her, he corrected himself, as Bush aides might do, "Uh, I mean... Joseph Wilson's wife." He asserted that it might be okay, as prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald was probably not there.

Woof. I can see how some of this might not be funny to those especially sensitive, thin-skinned types (read: under investigation)!

Colbert also made biting cracks about missing WMDs, “photo ops” on aircraft carriers and at hurriance (sic) disasters, and Vice President Cheney shooting people in the face.
Observing that Bush sticks to his principles, he said, "When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday - no matter what happened Tuesday."

Damn, that is so sad.

He closed his routine with a video fantasy where he gets to be White House Press Secretary, complete with a special “Gannon” button on his podium. By the end, he runs fleeing from Helen Thomas and her questions about why the U.S. really invaded Iraq and killed all those people.

Also lampooning the press, Colbert complained that he was “surrounded by the liberal media who are destroying this country, except for Fox News. Fox believes in presenting both sides—the president’s side and the vice president’s side."

Damn, that is so sad.

As he walked from the podium the president and First Lady gave Colbert quick nods, unsmiling, and left. E&P's Joe Strupp, in the crowd, observed that quite a few felt the material was, perhaps, uncomfortably biting.

Asked by E&P after it was over if he thought he'd been too harsh, Colbert said, "Not at all." Was he trying to make a point politically or just get laughs? "Just for laughs," he said. He said he did not pull any material for being too strong, just for time reasons.

"Uncomfortably biting" and "too harsh"?? Are you f*cking kidding me?!??! Smelling salts, please! These are JOKES about REALITIES that are uncomfortable and too harsh, you asshats! I'm sorry if he is afflicting the comfortable, but that's just the way the cookie crumbles. We're the ones stuck w/ the REALITIES of this madministration's plan to screw it all up, and I don't see too many folks laughing.

UPDATE: Crooks and Liars has the video (to the 2nd half of the speech, though C-Span is rumored to be rerunning this today) and a link to the full transcript.

fIZZEs

Might I note that after a week of orange juice 10x/day, sparkling pomegranate juice is a much welcomed treat? So kind of Joy and Scott to be mindful of our decorating scheme when picking out their gift. They blended perfectly w/ the table. And thanks for a fun dinner! Y'all come back, ya hear?

db was on grill detail -- ably handled, as always* -- and I have to give it to Whole Paycheck; they make a mean Spinach & Feta Sausage. We've been spoiled rotten though by the insanely good bakery at Weaver Street Market, now too far away from us over here in the hinterlands of Durham for casual shopping, so the bread everywhere else just tastes okay-ish, no matter how homebaked/fresh/organic. I mean, really, Whole Paycheck could stand to up the quality. They get enough of our dinero.

P.S. Joy brought lemon/lime cupcakes for dessert. Oh, heyull yes. Secret ingredient (now not so secret): Williams-Sonoma Lemon Lime Margarita Mix. I hope the hosts of whichever cookout we go to next do not read this blog, because we are so making those cupcakes. And like a moe-ron, I did not take a pic of the cupcakes. Dang.

[*I do wish I had a picture of db grilling in the pouring rain last weekend. An entire platter of dawgs and an entire plate of burgers and nary a one sullied by acid rain. db's got the (organizational) skills to pay the bills. Before the rain came, he'd set up a cozy spot under the picnic umbrella. I, on the other hand, stepped a toe outside the door and reached into the cooler for a drink and, though the cooler was 99% under the roof overhang and I was wearing my rainjacket over my head (not on, per se), I still managed to soak my pants where the water ran off my jacket and in a straight line all the way down my leg. My skills are of another kind, quite obviously.]

Asshole

Hybrid Hypocrisy.

House Speaker Dennis Hastert of Ill., center, gets out of a Hydrogen Alternative Fueled automobile, left, as he prepares to board his SUV, which uses gasoline, after holding a news conference at a local gas station in Washington, Thursday, April 27, 2006 to discuss the recent rise in gas prices. Hastert and other members of Congress drove off in the Hydrogen-Fueled cars only to switch to their official cars to drive the few blocks back to the U.S. Capitol.

If this does not sum up Murkan politics -- superficial gestures, no real connection to core issues, contempt for the electorate -- I don't know what does. I think a rule of thumb should be that if your Congressperson cannot sustain the charade for even the distance of a few blocks, s/he should be relieved of his/her duties.

Dear God, Not This, Too!

Take Action: Don't Let Congress Ruin the Internet.

Friends, I could not be more in love w/ the interwebs (prOn excepted). I'm on the interwebs about 20 hours a day. Anything you want to know -- on the interwebs!

Feminist theory? Yup. Pictures of the Soup Nazi? Yeppers. Worst President Ever? Guess who. Need a new religion? Got an old one? Vegetarian shoes? Bien sur! National Hairball Awareness Day? It's the cat's meow (sorry). Got a burning desire to view strangers' vacation pictures? Knock yourself out. Or maybe you lost that special kumquat marmalade recipe. Not to worry. You can't stump the interwebs! And for the man who has everything, there's even a Shoe Size - Pen1s Size Conversion Chart. How did we live w/o it?

I could go on.

As db's 81-yr-old grandmother says when someone prints out an email or downloads something for her, "It came over the internet." This has the benefit of being both adorable and true.

Let's not break Grammy's heart and let this good thing come to an end. Learn more about net neutrality, then sign the petition!

[photo credit: Cat and Girl]

Now Here's an Interesting Question

Bush Says Anthem Should Be in English.

The national anthem should be sung in English -- not Spanish -- President Bush declared Friday, amid growing restlessness over the millions of immigrants here illegally.

''One of the things that's very important is, when we debate this issue, that we not lose our national soul,'' the president exclaimed. ''One of the great things about America is that we've been able to take people from all walks of life bound as one nation under God. And that's the challenge ahead of us.''

A Spanish language version of the national anthem was released Friday by a British music producer, Adam Kidron, who said he wanted to honor America's immigrants.

I think it'd be a nice start if the pretzelnit spoke English.

Duration = > 1 hr

Brand new dog toy? Not for long, my leetle friend. I will nip and nip and nip until just one leetle piece shreds, and then I'll nip and nip and nip and nip some more until I get that leetle squeaky whistle out!

Finny loves the whistle. Finny wants the whistle to go away. And go away it did.

Poor leetle squeaky whistle tennis ball toy.

My New Best Friends

O, dear VapoRub!
Is anything more sublime?
I can breathe again.

In other Household Minutiae News, the piggy finches have eaten half a sock of food since late Monday afternoon! Dude! I haven't seen our hawk friends this year, but more cardinals are visiting, and last week a dove dropped by. How nice! The little birds who live near our front porch are singing up a storm, though they haven't nested in our hanging pots like last year. And lest anyone be worried, Finny is standing guard.

Well, at this moment, Finny has gone all ninja on the Dingo. It's the Daily Living Room Brawl!

Things I Have Learned Watching Television While Sick

1. All annoying, loud, not very bright, doltish people in commercials are fat. If male, probably balding. It's not like I did not know this, but it's amazingly pronounced if you spend more than a day in a row watching television. Lo, does the public fear of chubbiness loom large in subconscious casting! To whom do I lodge my complaint? Which reminds me, I need to renew my subscription to Adbusters.


2. That said, I have some newfound faith in the Murkan consumer.
   
   
3. That said, Charlie Sheen is gross.
   
   
4. And last but not least, when asked if he thought the Dems would win the mid-term elections, thus gaining subpoena power, Ted Kennedy said yesterday on Wolf Blitzer's show that during the Repugnican-led Congress of Clinton's term, 1100 subpoenas were brought (what's the correct verb here? filed?) against the administration. Eleven-damn-hundred. During the Repugnican reign of dumbyass's term, 3 subpoenas have been filed. People, you heard me: THREE. All these crimes, and 3 goddam subpoenas! From memory: stolen elections (2), manufacturing the need for this illegal war of choice out of whole cloth, outing an undercover agent, illegal domestic wiretapping, and I would add failure to adequately plan for this illegal war of choice and thus to adequately protect our troops (w/ proper training, strategy, equipment), aggressive punishment of whistleblowers, reduction of environmental standards/destruction of the environment, unjust tax policy, and the criminally negligent driving out of experts in all functions of gubmint. Every Repugnican must go. Clean out Congress, and take the damn Dems w/ them. We obviously need to start over. Who's got the key to that secret lab of Paul Wellstone clones we've been creating all these years?