The Monaghan Show

Pizza Magnate Seeks Catholic-Governed Town.

If Domino's Pizza founder Thomas S. Monaghan has his way, a new town being built in Florida will be governed according to strict Roman Catholic principles, with no place to get an abortion, pornography or birth control.

Methinks the frickin' "pizza magnate" should pick up shop and hightail it to the Vatican, leave us in peace. Besides, who does he think he is, a Libertarian? Snerk.

The pizza magnate is bankrolling the project with at least $250 million and calls it "God's will."

Quite obviously "God" is into Christianist real estate development and Monaghan is the Moses who shall lead them. Just wondering: Does "God's will" always require pots of money? Will there be Section 8 housing?

Civil libertarians say the plan is unconstitutional and are threatening to sue.

Aww. Isn't that the most adorable sentence you've ever read? It's so cute and fuzzy sitting here amongst the sharp-edged anti-constitutional and borderline fascist sentiments.

The town of Ave Maria is being constructed around Ave Maria University, the first Catholic university to be built in the United States in about 40 years. Both are set to open next year about 25 miles east of Naples in southwestern Florida.

The town and the university, developed in partnership with the Barron Collier Co., an agricultural and real estate business, will be set on 5,000 acres with a European-inspired town center, a massive church and what planners call the largest crucifix in the nation, at nearly 65 feet tall. Monaghan envisions 11,000 homes and 20,000 residents.

That's quite a voting block. Wonder what the Guv'ner thinks about it. Oh, well, here he is, right on time.

Gov. Jeb Bush, at the site's groundbreaking earlier this month, lauded the development as a new kind of town where faith and freedom will merge to create a community of like-minded citizens. Bush, a convert to Catholicism, did not speak specifically to the proposed restrictions.

Can someone please explain to me what is "laudable" about misogyny, cultish superstition, and xenophobia?

"While the governor does not personally believe in abortion or pornography, the town, and any restrictions they may place on businesses choosing to locate there, must comply with the laws and constitution of the state and federal governments," Russell Schweiss, a spokesman for the governor, said Tuesday.

Translation: If these rich yahoos want to gather together in my name, right on! Here's a butterfly ballot for you, boys. The First Brother knows on which side his bread is buttered.

Frances Kissling, president of the liberal Washington-based Catholics for a Free Choice, likened Monaghan's concept to Islamic fundamentalism.

"This is un-American," Kissling said. "I don't think in a democratic society you can have a legally organized township that will seek to have any kind of public service whatsoever and try to restrict the constitutional rights of citizens."

As db said to me recently, "Sweetie, it's not a democracy, it's Florida."

Comments

[Ken]

You know, I grew up in Ann Arbor, Michigan, home of Domino's Pizza. We had to put up with Monaghan's antics for YEARS. Keep in mind, Ann Arbor is one of the most liberal cities in the country. It benefited from Monaghan's business, but we never liked having him around. To paraphrase Chris Rock: Monaghan is "like the uncle that paid your way through college, but molested you."

Coincidentally, Howard Simon, executive director of the ACLU in Florida, also once lived in Ann Arbor. He was a family friend of ours.

[WestEnder]

Hilarious comment about "uncle" Tom.

If it were up to me, I would impose only one rule: once you've settled, you can't leave for 5 generations. We might as well exploit the situation to illustrate the concept of exponential growth to our ignorant populace. What could be better than a closed Catholic community? Let them have 8 kids per family per generation and live on top of one another in Christian bliss.

And let's allow them to leave only by paying a hefty "losing my religion" fine. The fine would increase (exponentially, of course) with each pariah. I would imagine the town would clear out pretty fast after the first few high-tailed it out of there.

[crabbi]

You know what I've always wanted to do, but never had the nerve? Call Dominos, order a large cheese pizza and tell them, "I'm way too tired to cook tonight. That abortion I had earlier today just wiped me out."

Two things stop me from calling: 1) the order taker might not get it, and besides, it's not his/her fault the Dominos founder is an ass, and 2) their pizza sucks.

[Diane]

Not to worry--there will still be plenty of hot man/boy sex.

[David]

Diane, I was going to say something cute about Monaghan's moving to a theocratic state, ie, Iraq. But you're right; the Catholic church has long harbored child molesters who may want a place of their own!

[ae]

Y'all, I was feeling like crud yesterday, and your comments made me laugh for 10 minutes. Thanks! =D

Hi, Ken! Nice to see you. I imagine that Ann Arbor had a few tricks up their sleeves for dealing w/ Monaghan. Please send any and all post-haste! This guy and his ilk really need to be taught a lesson in humility, not to mention how badly they need a remedial civics lessons course. It obviously didn't take the first time.

Welcome, WestEnder! You've hit upon a brilliant idea. If only it were legal! But hey, that never stopped them. Let's impose this little rule, I say, and see how long it takes the crowded Christian bliss to come crashing down into finger-pointing accusations, ex-communication, and scarlet letters. I'm still laughing over the hefty "losing my religion" fine. That's gonna be a lotta moolah for someone (per a lotta pariahs). Better get in on that action now.

crabbi, bwaahaha! Is it any wonder my crush on you grows by the minute?

Diane, one does wonder what laws will govern this town. This whole thing is creepy in the extreme.

David: Theocracy. Bleah. Abuse. Bleah. I got nothin'.