In Praise of Older Men

I've always liked older men, and I know readers and stumblers-across of arse poetica know better than to think I mean that in any kind of Lolita-esque way. I do not.

I had my first PT appt today and -- you guessed it -- my physical therapist is an older man. Maybe 60-yrs-old (? I'm terrible w/ ages), and the head of the PT dept., which made me happy. I was dreading having to work w/ a 25-yr-old guy. [Disclaimer: I'm sure there are amazing, brilliant, kewl 25-yr-old men out there (some of my best friends are ... !), but sometimes I just need someone more secure in what they know. Plus, I think I intimidate younger guys, if not become their counselor/big sister, and I just didn't want to go through that rigamarole.]

Allow me to generalize: Older men have good manners, a seriousness about them, a solicitousness, a world of experience/expertise, and they're safe because they have the smarts to know what's good for them. I'm not silly enough to think that there are not older men who defy all of these generalizations, but I've been lucky w/ older men in my life -- "older" being relative in age to me.

My father did the yelling dad thing for a little while, then got over it, and now considers himself a feminist. (Thank, Gloria!) Never any doubt that he loved us first and foremost.

All of my coaches with the exception of three (out of 4 sports, 18 years, and countless seasons) were men. God bless them for taking us grrls seriously as people and as athletes, working hard w/ us, pushing us w/in reason, and never once, not one time in so many impressionable years, crossing any boundary they shouldn't have. I consider myself lucky to have been able to learn in such a safe environment. [Might I note at this juncture that WE NEED TO SAVE TITLE IX!!]

My favorite uncle is, very obviously, an older man. I think he is the man on whom I modeled the men to whom I am drawn. Smart, quiet, funny, kind, gentle, competent. Oh dear Lord, I just cannot stomach a loudmouth, posturing guy. From the first boy I liked in 3rd grade to db, you can draw a straight and obvious line of influence. I find what I like, and I stick to it, apparently. Again, no harsh lesson there. My uncle Peter is a lovely man.

So back to Dr. H, my PT: He just quietly and ably, w/ seriousness and eventual good humor (okay, I may have flirted just slightly), set to the task of measuring, advising, correcting, and then poking, pulling, pushing, grinding, stretching, and massaging my shoulder. OWWWW.

I'm always struck that the rules about touching can so immediately be understood just because we're in a therapeutic environment. I wonder, too, if it's because Dr. H is 60. My surgeon was a man, too, about my age. He touched me less in the 5 or 6 appointments I had with him before and after my surgery than Dr. H did in an hour.

I do not mean anything even remotely unprofessional or, hell, pleasurable. I just mean I think it is interesting that a man who could not touch a woman outside of that office, can, inside that office, move his hands along her body -- again, as a matter of therapy -- without hesitation and with the tacit agreement from both that that is what he will do. It would be mindblowing to live in a world in which this sense of safety and care could be the norm.

And this is where I really want to give a shout out to older men. When I'm (potentially) worried about the shoulder of my dominant arm, I just want someone to exude confidence and competence and then, of course, execute confidently and competently. And if that someone has to touch me, I want them to touch me w/ skill such that I feel better and ministered to and only that.

Comments

[GRUMPY OLD MAN]

Hey, I'm an old man if that's what you like. Really old.

Only joking my dear lady. Love the pooch.

Really too bad about the shoulder though. Had one of those for years so I know about the sleeping sitting up gas. Not fun. Finally went away without help but it took about 3 years. "Sucks" comes to mind. Have a friend here who is a PT and another friend with a bad shoulder and she says she really can't do a lot with it and she is really good from what every one tells me. (I try to stay away from brutal woman. Have one of those indoors as it is.) Poor little me.

Hope it get's better soon.

GOM

[FH]

For someone who is 49 and a man, I appreciate your sincerity about older men.

[ae]

GRUMPY OLD MAN, thanks for dropping in, and thanks for your kind words! The shoulder is coming along, but it is surprising how tender it is still. Maybe it's not all that surprising and I'm just impatient. That's more likely. Need more (grumpy) old men around to tell me how it is. ;->

Welcome, FH. Thanks for dropping by. I do think that society gives a bad rap to older people in general. Youth culture has its limits, as we all know. I happen to appreciate experience and expertise and know enough to rely on my elders when necessary. More respect all around, I say!

Sorry to you both for my tardy reply!