A Note on Patience

db thinks I should teach a mindfulness class. If only. I don't know Thing One about mindfulness as it is formally practiced. I do know, however, the half-assed way I approach the world and, in particular, its annoying circumstances. db is trying to apply the principles of mindfulness to his life. Admirable, I say. Not sure it's taking, I say. He was the definition of ants-in-pants at the doctor's office this morning where I'd come for my post-op rundown, stitches removal, and PT Rx.

The good news is I apparently heal pretty quickly. Light bruising, pretty fair amount of inflammation, but pretty good range of movement at this point. I've got 6-8 wks of rehab (not bad!), which will hopefully start next week at Sports Med. Yaay, I'll get to hang out w/ the real athletes! The bad news is that db cannot sit still if he thinks people are not doing their jobs. Me, I don't have any expectation that a visit to the doctor's office will transpire in a reasonable time frame. I've let it go.

As my coach used to say in response to any question hiding within it even the most tangential temporal note, "Five more hours." If we were pulling into the driveway of the gym where we would park the van, and if as the van was rolling to a stop we would ask Coach how much longer til we get to the gym, he'd say, "Five more hours." These are, I think, words to live by. The inertia at the doctor's office seems built-in, so I'm not going to get my panties in a twist over it. Why aggravate myself? It'll obviously be five more hours.

I don't think it's a big, damn secret. I just do not have energy left to be annoyed by small things I cannot control. In service-related encounters, I expect that people are overworked, underappreciated, tired, distracted, and doing the best they can. I operate on this assumption until an egregious counterexample proves otherwise. Then I either sit in resigned lament and wonder at the world we've constructed for ourselves or I register a polite complaint. Generally, I am happy to have time to sit quiety, read, think, people watch, talk to my sweetie. This seems like a bonus to me. No phones! Oh, thank heavens. For one hour, no phones! Truly, everything is a bonus at that point.

And as easy-going and forgiving as I may be/think I am, I am hardly the picture of Zen equanimity. I'm sure my blood pressure would tell a different story. I am not patient enough, for example, to last until the end of one.single.equivocating.prevaricating.uhh-uhhh-uhhing.sentence of Dim Son's. Canna do it. I physically cannot sit there and listen to him fumble and bumble and dumble his way through what is meant, ostensibly, to be the English language. His.Native.Tongue. God. Hell, I almost didn't make it through my own sentence about that.

I almost never watch Chris Matthews (at al.) without yelling back at the TV and correcting every false assumption, hothead posturing, and GOP-ready framing inherent in his "analysis," and lordy knows I treat NPR as if it is interactive and a remote argument I am having with many someones. I am damned impatient w/ feigned credulity, sloppy research, lazy analysis (if effin any), and the putrid pretense of "balance" that permeates the whole enterprise like the stink from a rotting whale carcass. God.

Neither am I patient about social justice, world hunger, environmental degradation, personal and physical sovereignty, betrayals, animal cruelty, or about all those molasses-ass mofos parked in the left lane while I'm trying to do 75 mph getting from A to B. And, good lord, have people forgotten how to make a left turn?? Damn.

[Photo credit: JM, Prague, October 2005]

Comments

[Dharma]

Great rant! I read it aloud to The Girl Friend, who vigorous nodded her head, loudly agreed with many points especially about people parked in the left lane, and no one knowing how to make a left turn. These last two invariably make for car commentary at least 3 times a week for us.

[ae]

Hi, Dharma! Welcome, and thanks. The left turn thing, especially, used to be bad a decade ago, but it's as if literally no one can conceive of the maneuver now. Why, I ask you?? Is it no longer taught in Driver's Ed.? Is it that we're all fat and lazy and cowed into sheep-like submission by our increasing need for Daddy to tell us what to do? That is, no one can take a left anymore w/o a green arrow! I wish I could, but I just can't stand it. Grrr. And the parking in the left lane thing is just unforgivable. That rule is well-known. There's no excuse not to get one's ridiculous gas guzzler out of our way, eh? =)